Rules for life ...

G.I.D (glad i deg) = ILU (I Love You)

Life just gave me a rude wakeup-call … It made me realize that some things are more important in life than others. Here’s my new “rules” for life, feel free to adopt them as your own:
...
…..
…....

Tell people you love them, often. You never know when it’s your last chance to do so.

Buy flowers for those you love NOW. They won’t be able to enjoy them if you wait until you have to put flowers on their grave.

Don’t let anyone sit alone on the holidays

Make sure your children know their grandparents

Do things together, create good memories

Turn the tv and laptop off during meals, talk about your day instead

Don’t stay mad. A disagreement is rarely so bad that it’s worth hating eachother for the rest of your lives …

Say “I love you, but right now I don’t like you very much”, instead of claiming that you hate someone you actually love

Don’t yell. Talk

Don’t critizise unless you have to. Give praise as often as possible, without overdoing it

There’s something good and beautiful in everyone. Make an effort to find it instead of looking for flaws in a person

Be tolerant

Take care of your health. The people that love you are just as afraid of loosing you, as you are of loosing them.

Call your parents atleast once a week, but don’t forget to visit them aswell

Make new traditions for your family, don’t forget the old ones

Last but not least …
...
…..
…....

Remember that Destiny is a cruel mistress. You never know when she’ll decide to take away someone you love

The first kiss

One of the advantages of being single, is that you can flirt with whomever you want. Another advantage is that you have the opportunity to experience that magical first kiss. Of course, not all first kisses are magical. Some are “just” nice, some are really good, and a few are just awkward.
But, every once in a while you get to experience the kind of first kiss that inspires movies, romantic novels, art and poetry.

The thing about that kind of kiss I’m talking about is that it starts a while before the kiss itself. It starts with flirting, or a look, by bumping into each other at a party. It starts when you meet someone who makes you FEEL them, even though you’re not even touching each other. Do you know the feeling I’m talking about? When you KNOW he’s standing behind you, even though you can’t see or hear him. But you can tell that he’s there from the way your skin tingles, your breath catches in your chest, your heartbeat quickens. If he’s sitting next to you it gets hard to concentrate, you feel that you may as well be naked.

Then, when that magical moment finally arrives. When you realize he’s going to kiss you. For a brief moment, time stops. All of the sudden you’re extremely aware of HIM, and the rest if the world is blurred out.

Hopefully, if you’re lucky. That won’t be the last time you kiss him (or her, if that’s your preference). Hopefully, that won’t be the last time one of his kisses has that magical feel to it.

Let’s just cross our fingers, shall we?

Butterflies

Normally you only find butterflies outside in the summer, but even though it’s November I actually have 3 of them in my house. One is an actual butterfly, which has decided to hibernate in my hallway. It sits up in the corner, pretending to be invisible …

The other two however are made of metal and reside in my little box of toys.
And, if you just guessed that this will be another toy review, then you’re absolutely right.

My new toys from Eden Fantasys are a set of Butterfly nipple clamps. I didn’t own any nipple clamps, so I was really happy for the opportunity to try out these.
My first reaction was ….



OUCH!!! O.o

They hurt! I know they’re supposed to, but they’re REALLY painful!
I’ve only tried them in non-play mode, and they actually brought tears to my eyes. Hopefully, when I’m in a playsession, with all those wonderful endorphins coursing through my system, they won’t hurt as much. If they work like the clover clamps they seem to be a copy of, they should tighten as you pull on the chain. Thing is, I don’t think I’ll be able to take much more of that. Not in non-playmode anyway.

Loveballs

Let me start this review with a short rant. I hate Norwegian customs. I’ve been waiting for my latest product to review for what seems like a small eternity now. I was rather impatient to begin with, sinceI was looking forward to getting these things in the mail. And when I guessed they should arrive soon I got a letter from the Norwegian customs. My package had been detained and I had to send in forms, receipts and confirmations. Well, getting the paperwork I needed was easy. I mailed the good people at Eden Fantasys, and the next day I had gotten everything I needed from there. Then all I had to do was pop the letter in the mail and wait.

And wait …

And wait …

My package FINALLY arrived last week, and I’ve been testing almost every day since. So, you should have guessed from the headline what it is I was waiting for. But just in case you haven’t gotten it yet .. My new sex toys for review are a set of those “loveballs”. I searched through all of the balls that Eden Fantasys can offer. And even for me with my latex allergy they have quite a few options. Finally I settled on a pair of Crystal Balls.

Messaging

 

As a woman, with a profile on a couple of BDSM-sites, I get the occasional message from unknown men. Unless they’re rude I try to answer. Sadly, too many messages seem to follow “The Secret Guide to Messaging Submissive Sluts”. Want a tip? It doesn’t work!

You’ll be amazed at how much alike some of those conversations turn out to be. Why can’t you just be yourself FIRST, and then let your inner D’type out if we manage to have a decent conversation?

Calling me little one, slut etc. does NOT have a good effect on me. You may have seen friends call me little one in my statuses of FetLife. Thing is, they’re my FRIENDS. So they’ve managed to get inside of the comfort zone where it’s safe to call me that.
Slut? Don’t even go there … My Dom gets to call me that. Noone else.

Giving me orders is a good way to piss me off. Sometimes I’ll answer, letting you know that you’re not in a position where I’ll let you do that. Most times I’ll just hit delete and forget about you.

Being mysterious .. That just makes me wanna bang my head in the desk. What makes you think you’re so interesting that I’ll start digging away when it’s rather obvious that you don’t want to share?

Here’s MY “Secret Guide to Messaging Submissive WOMEN”

1. Face it, you don’t know her. It’s way to early to be familiar in pm no.1, 2, 3 etc
2. Remember she’s a person first, and a submissive second, third or even last for that matter
3. Remember that YOU’RE a person first, and a Dominant second, third or even last for that matter
4. Do not try to order her around until you’re really sure that she’ll accept it. With most women that means, NOT in the first 10 messages. Atleast.
5. Be yourself. Ok, so telling her that you’re gonna walk the dog, go to the store or clean the house is neither sexy nor mysterious. But it’s your life.
   Don’t overshare either, that’s just awkward. Try to find a middle road. You probably manage that in your every day life. It’s no different “in here”
   
   So, main tips:

Think … Be polite … Be patient … Be yourself

That firm grip ...

When I speak with my fellow female sub friends it seems that despite all our differences, one thing seems to be (almost) universal. Our affinity for that firm grip in the neck …

That sensation when a strong hand gets a good grip on the hair in the back of your neck, or the neck itself … It seems I’m not the only one feeling that way.

If a Dom I respect does that it gives me the tingles, I get a bit weak in the knees and it’s a really nice feeling. Teasing is almost guaranteed to follow, as it’s apparent that it has quite an effect on me. Blushing is mandatory ofcourse.

If the RIGHT person does that … Well.
My breathing gets heavy, my eyes go unfocused, my knees get wobbly, I get that tingling warm sensation in my belly. More often than not I’ll be unable to speak, but be reduced to a helpless whimper. And all my willpower will just drain away …

So, this must be something ALL Dominants must love right? After all, it takes little or no effort. You can do it in public. It doesn’t involve neither sex nor nudity, so it can be done even though you’re not in a relationship.

But there actually seems to be a lot of Dominants that don’t use it. They don’t like it. Or they forget.
Isn’t that kinda like saying that you skip foreplay because you don’t like it? Or forget?

Oh, that’s right … a lot of you guys skip that part aswell.
Never mind that you miss out on a sub that goes instantly weak and willing. Or a woman who writhes and moans in pure pleasure and orgasms … Not to mention the gratitude you’re missing out on …
So just keep on skipping those steps if it’s too much of a hassle. We’ll just move on and find someone else to have fun with.

To all of you other guys. Yes, i haven’t forgotten about you. To those of you who remember that firm grip in the neck, foreplay, kissing and all those wonderful things that may seem small. But is oh so significant ...

Thank you and keep up the good work *grins widely*

So, it's been quiet from me for a while. I've been busy with my summer vacation. And I've had long visits from a couple of my wonderful, kinky friends. For those of you who hope for a juicy story now ... I'm sorry. Although my friends are kinky, their visit was very un-kinky. Girls just aren't my thing.

I'm getting used to my single, celibate life now. Offers from various men doesn't even tempt me. I want that special someone. And right now, today, I feel that it's ok to wait. I may change my mind tomorrow though. I've learned not to be too set in what I feel and think. M taught me that. If he hadn't been able to talk me into playing with him I would have missed out on some pretty wonderful and exciting months.

That being said, some innocent fun with friends online and on munches doesn't really count as the kind of play I only want to have with whomever it is I end up with. It's just for fun.
The kind of play I want to avoid is the more intimate kind. Or, the things that feels intimate for me.

That includes: Anything involving nudity. My breasts and genitals. Stay awaaay! Flogging, whipping and caning. Hey, I'm a masochist remember? That does get personal. Also, anything that sends me into subspace. That happens kind of quickly sometimes, so I'll just have to decide on that if I end up in a situation where that might happen.

While I'm talking about M. This blog started because I was playing with him. Without all those reports it feels a bit empty. So I've decided I'll rewrite some of my old posts, edit out the most sexually explicit details. I'll repost them one by one as they get done.

And uhm , those short stories I promised you? They're still in the making. I haven't done much writing this summer. They will come though.

Until next time. Take care and enjoy the sun :)

Beautiful glass ...

A few days ago I got a new addition to my collection of sex toys from the wonderful people at Eden Fantasys. I was rather curious about this one, since I didn't choose it myself. Kayla, my contact a Eden Toys recommended it since my last g-spot toy turned out to be a bit too big for me.

The toy I received is the Amethyst glass dildo, and was selected from the vide variety of dildos that Eden Fantasys offer.

This one is, as I mentioned above, made of glass. It's blue and absolutely beautiful. It almost looks like a piece of art, something that you could keep on your shelf for everyone to see. There's no sharp edges, no flaws, no weaknesses in the glass. It's a small piece of perfection.

It's a "double end dildo". So it's possible to use it in several ways. Both ends can be used, giving you the possibilty to receive different sensations from the same toy. Also I think both ends could be used for anal play.

The slender size makes it easy to insert, even if you're a bit tight as I am. The smoothness lessens the need for lubricants for many. If you still prefer to use a lubricant I imagine it will prove very effective.

Since the material is glass you have an excellent opportunity to desinfect it in ways that you cannot use on regular toys without the risk of ruining them. So if you like to share your toys, this is certainly a choice to consider.

Needless to say ... this is a waterproof toy. You can use it both in the shower and the bathtub. Be aware however, that glass gets slippery when wet, so make sure you don't drop it.

It comes in a red velvet bag. Giving it an even more luxurious feel than it already has. The bag isn't thick enough to keep it safe should you happen to drop it however, so you might want to consider something else to store it in.

The other day I was really happy that it was in this bag. When I got it I put it in my bedroom, under my nightstand with my other toys. The next day a friend came to visit, bringing her small dog ...
At one point I realized the dog wasn't in the livingroom. Where was she? Some faint sounds from the bedroom pointed me in the right direction. And there she was, right next to the red velvet bag that she'd dragged out on the floor. "Look what I found" she seemed to say. Wagging her tail and looking happy.
She seemed a bit disappointed when I took it from her and hid it.

Needless to say ... Next week I'm getting a box from my toys.

Insomnia

So, it's 06.16 in the morning, and I've been awake since 4. I probably shouldn't be writing anything, and certainly shouldn't be communicating with other people in any way until I've had atleast 2 more hours of sleep. So if this turns out to be a rant, and I seem unfair or unpleasant in any other way ... please bear over with me.

First of all ... and this is most certainly a rant ... I hate my computer! It's painstakingly slow. It takes "lagging" to a new dimension and my version of word keeps asking me to update! I've obviously not installed everything I should have installed ... And I can't find the cd that came with the machine. I guess it should be possible to download something, but I'm just too lazy to do anything but let it annoy me for the moment.
So! Please don't give me lots of well meaning advice. I'm just too lazy right now. When it's annoyed me for long enough I'll call some friend who knows more about this stuff than me and get the help I need ;)

End of rant ...

Next thing I'm thinking about this morning ...

Lately (that means after I stopped playing with M) I've been approached by a surprisingly large amount of guys.

They all want to play.

Great huh? Thing is ... I don't want to play without being in love! But ... that's not a problem! According to them ... we can just play without sex! Just for fun. Flogging, bondage, humiliation, facefucking ... Wait, what? Facefucking is sex! Right? It's not like they're Bill fucking Clinton! Guess what! Fucking me to prove to me that I'm a thing, a sexdoll etc ... That's sex too!

But, they all seem to expect me to jump at the chance. Apparently I'm both lonely and desperate. Just because I answer that particular person and talk with him. Even seem to hit it off with him ... It doesn't mean that he's the only man in the world who finds me interesting. Neither am I so lonely that I can't wait another month, or five ... to see if I find that one particular man who likes me as something more than a plaything, or a fuckfriend, or .. whatever they may think I am.

Ok ... so I feel that lonely and desperate every once in a while ... But it always passes. I try not to let it affect my actions and choices.

It seems like many people who like BDSM only sees it as a game? You play, you enjoy. "That was great! Thanx!" Then you read the paper, or watch tv, laugh and talk or go your separate ways. That's it? No intimacy? Just a good laugh and a thankyou note?

I don't mean to offend anyone. I don't say that this is wrong. I wish I could enjoy BDSM that way myself! And I have. It was great when it felt like the right thing for me. In a few months I may feel like that again. Nothing is written in stone.

It's just that I'm in a place in my life where I'd like to be in a relationship. Maybe even 24/7? I think I'd enjoy that with the right person.

BDSM to me is very sexual, very intimate. I get horny, so I "need" to get laid after or during play. I need after care in the form of intimacy. Going directly from play-mode to platonic friend-mode. It just doesn't work for me nowadays. Again ... I wish it did.

I just want to say one more thing before I go back to bed and try to get some more sleep ...

If you think this is about YOU ... DON'T!

This is about noone in particular.

I'm not attacking or condemning anyone.

It's just random thoughts under the influence of insomnia. Thoughts about what's right for ME. Remember that MY bdsm in no way has to resemble YOUR bdsm. We're all individuals, and one of the wonderful things about this "world" of kinksters and pervs is that there's room for people to be just that ... individuals.

I've been thinking about this on and off for a couple of years now. The odds for me knowing you for that long are extremely low. So it's not about YOU. There's no reason for anyone to feel hurt, or criticized. I promise you, I have noone in mind.

It's about ME

It's now 07.30 in the morning. I went to bed at midnight. It took "forever" to go to sleep. I've been awake since 4.

Think I'll try going back to bed. Luckily I can sleep until 10.

Good night!

What about the blog?

I've decided to keep it. For now atleast. I may change my mind at a later point, but as of now I just don't have the energy to start a new one.

However, there won't be many of those really personal details I've shared with you before. Not when I know there are people who have misused information from this blog. I thought the information was really innocent when I wrote it. I also felt safe in sharing it with you, since this blog was supposed to be anonymous.

As I've told you before ... I've deleted all personal posts. I've kept the ones I feel anyone who knows me can read. This is how the blog will be from now on. No personal juicy details.

I'm working on some short stories though. There will be plenty of juicy stuff there. Even though it will be purely fiction I hope you'll enjoy them.

I'll also share more of my thoughts about BDSM.

The downside of this is that I don't feel comfortable writing about the really personal stuff.

I have to censor everything I write.

I have to analyze every word to see if what I write can be used against me, or anyone I know.

The upside is that I can tell my friends about the blog now.

As for me ... You know me as tepilawen. My real nick is gawi. You can find my profile on FetLife. It's MUCH more developed than my tepilawenprofile. There's even pictures of me.

To my friends ...

I'm sorry I haven't shared this blog with you before. It was just TOO personal. I hope you can forgive me.

Dirty little secrets

This beautiful picture is taken by Edenbeast. I can't find him/her anywhere on the net, but hopefully I'll be allowed to use this photo.

So, I feel dirty. And not in a good way.

I don't know if it's because of all this mess with my blog not being anonomous anymore. Or if it's some other reason for me feeling this way.

Suddenly I feel like everything I've been doing these past 6 months is fundamentally WRONG.
When I read my reports to M I feel like taking a shower.
Thinking about doing any kind of session gives me the shivers.

Again ... not in a good way.

At the same time ... I know how great it felt when I was playing with M. How safe I felt, and how much pleasure he gave me.

I also remember how incredibly boring vanilla sex gets after the first exciting weeks have passed.

I remember feeling like this in the past. But I've always gone back to BDSM. So this time I won't even consider meeting vanilla men.

I guess I just need time ...

I keep telling myself that I won't play with anyone without being in love. And knowing WITHOUT DOUBT, that he feels the same. Whomever HE might be.

I just don't see the point in BDSM without sex. And I've gotten to the point where I don't see the point of having sex without love.

I also keep telling myself that he needs to live close to me. I just don't believe in long distance relationships. They're doomed from the beginning. Unless someone is willing to move. That someone can't be me. I've got kids, they've got their family here. So I can't move.

Meeting someone like that ... is nearly impossible. I live in a small place. Most dominant men are either too old or too young for me. Let's face it, even M was too young for me.

Guess I'll have to accept that I'll probably be both celibate and single for a while ...

Deleting ..

Someone has found out about my blog. They know who I am. So my blog is not anonomus anymore.

Maybe I'll keep posting my thoughts on BDSM. Maybe I'll start another blog.

I've deleted my personal posts. I'll delete my twitteraccount.

I'm heartbroken. I love my blog!

Edit ... loved ...

A strange creation ...

I've gotten my second toy from Eden Fantasys, my new favourite web shop for finding good quality sex toys.

Just as last time I got to choose from a list of non-latex toys, saving me the trouble of picking out the toys that won't affect my latex allergy.

This time I chose something that might be a bit of a challenge for me. Eden Fantasys has several g-spot vibrators. I'm not really a fan of having my g-spot stimulated, but I've been suspecting that this might be because most men seem to apply too much pressure when they stimulate it. Maybe I'm a bit more sensitive than most women in that area?

I've tried stimulating my g-spot with my fingers, but it's kinda hard to reach! So when I saw a g-spot vibrator on my list I didn't think twice about picking it. I've been looking forward to testing it out, and was thrilled when it arrived in the mail.

Unfortunately it came on the first day of that special time of the monh, so I had to wait a week to try it out.

I didn't wait with looking at it though! My first thought was that it looks really weird! Most of all it reminded me of one of those cute little kitchen appliances you found everywhere a few years ago. You know, when everything was shaped like cute little plastic aliens. Or, was that just in Norway we had those?

I even liked the colour! I really don't like pink. And this was pink ... However, it was a slightly dark rich shade of pink, which appealed to me. It was also smooth and had that velvety feel that they bragged about on the box. Even though it was hard.

What amazed me when I started it was that the entire shaft was vibrating! I'm not very good at reading descriptions, so I hadn't really noticed that fact. The head vibrated aswell ofcourse.

Another thing I noticed was the smell. Or rather the lack of smell. Other toys I've bought have had this really intense smell. It seems like non-latex toys don't have that? My little rabbit friend didn't smell either.

By now I was really looking forward to testing it out, and the next few days were really long. But finally the night when I could test it out was there. My daugher was asleep, the door was locked and I crawled into bed with both my new and old toy lying on the bedside table.

First thing I tested was the vibrating head. It worked pretty well as a clitoris stimulator, and will definately be a choice if my clit for some reason feels too sensitive for my rabbit.

Then I was going to try it out the way it's supposed to be used. It was a bit hard getting in! I know I'm a tight fit, so I had suspected that would be the case. Fortunately it only took a bit of jiggling to get it in.

I expected it to be a bit hard to find my g-spot, but to my surprise I found it almost immediately. The fact that I could decide how much pressure I could apply myself made it possible to keep the intensity at a level that I could still handle. And enjoy! And the vibrating shaft! Yummy! What a neat bonus!

The only downside I found was the fact that you have to keep the head turned the right way at all times. It got a bit awkward to control it, but I got the hang of it after a while.

I think that if you either get a bit of practice using it that won't be a problem at all. It probably also helps if you're not as tight "downstairs" as I seem to be.

And, with a partner? Should work like a charm! As long as he/she doesn't get too eager and apply too much pressure that is.

Again, a toy I definately can recommend! 

Shoes, shoes, shoes ...

Less than a year ago I only had 2 pairs of nice shoes. Well, ok shoes. I had a slightly worn pair of pumps that I bought at a thrift store. And I hade a pair of nice sandals. Both with a low heel.

In addition to that I had 2 pairs of rather nice boots that I got from my mom. Not because she bought them especially for me. But because she bought them without checking that they actually fit. When they didn't ... she gave them to me.

And it didn't bother me. I just couldn't care less that I didn't have a lot of shoes. The only times it DID bother me was those few times that I went out with friends, and had absolutely nothing to put on my feet other than those two pairs of boots.

I thought having lots of shoes was silly and a waste of money.

Shopping for shoes was torture! And a waste of time ...

Besides. Noone really notice what kind of shoes you wear anyways right?

WRONG

My new friend ...

I've got a new friend, I'm going to call him Thumper and he'll be living in my nightstand drawer ... 

A couple of weeks ago, I received my toy from Eden Fantasys. I had gotten a list of sex toys to choose 2-3 of favourites from, and was receiving a toy I've been very curious about. One of those infamous rabbit vibrators! I'd seen them on pictures, I'd heard my girlfriends brag about them, I'd even heard about them in movies and tv-series! And now I was finally going to try one out myself.

The toy I received was called "White heat double delights medium".  There was a larger version, but I chose the medium one since I prefer medium sized toys.

When I went to the post office to collect my package I immediately noticed the size of the box. It was small! The box was anonymous so it didn't neccesarily have to be from Eden Fantasys. However I couldn't recall ordering anything online, so it had to be my rabbit.

As soon as I got in the car I ripped the package open. It hardly weighed anything, and at first it seemed that it only contained grey paper. Underneath the paper though, there was an even smaller box. It contained the famous rabbit, which was small enough to fit in the palm of my hand.

I just HAVE to learn to read through the description of things like this properly! Other things I hadn't noticed was the fact that it's waterproof, and a g-spot stimulator.

Later that that night, after the kids went to sleep, I got the opportunity to test it out. I was surprised over how soft it is. It looks kinda hard on the pictures, but it's soft and smooth.

I had gotten permission from M earlier in the day to test it out and so I did. I didn't expect much, after all ... it's small! Turns out that good things DO come in small packages sometimes.

It felt great! The vibrating bits(bullets?) in both of the heads, plus the "edge" that swirls around the rabbit, really do the trick. Also the fact that it has two heads made me realize why some of my girlfriends swear that the rabbit is the only way to go.

This little toy is the first toy ever that has gotten to live in my nightstand drawer. Also, the small size plus the fact that it's relatively quiet makes it the ideal companion for travel

Toys toys toys ...

I must admit, toys have been a pretty scary thing for me. I've tried several toys over the years, and they've all HURT! So I've never really understood what all the fuzz with toys was about.

Last fall however, a friend suggested that maybe I was allergic to latex? For some idiotic reason, the thought had never occured to me!

I bought some latexfree condoms, and put one of them on one of my dildo's. I was certain that it would still hurt, but it didn't. It actually felt quite good!

However, using a 5$ condom (Yeah, they're that expensive in Norway!) every time I wanted to enjoy myself a bit, just hasn't been an option. So I've been looking into latex free toys.

It's confusing though! Turns out that a silicone toy doesn't neccesarily have to be latex free! If only as little as 10% of the toy consists of silicone, the toy can be labeled as a silicone toy. Which means that it can still contain 90% latex.

So, how do I find out that a toy is latexfree? When most online stores only list them as "Silicone"? Well, you have to find one that actually differs between "Silicone" and "Latex Free"

It doesn't help that I get completely lost every time I wander into an "adult toy store". When I was young (i.e. "when the dinousaurs roamed the earth" *giggles*) there wasn't much of a selection. We had dildo's of varying sizes and colours, and some of them vibrated. That's it!

Now there's dildo's, vibrators, bullets, eggs, rabbits, double dildo's, lots of stuff for anal play ... and the list just continues.

So, in the middle of my rather confused exploration of adult toy stores, I got an e-mail from Eden Fantasys. Would I be interested in testing out some of their products?

At first I was sceptical. Surely this had to be some kind of scam? However, their website looked great, so they were obviously a real buisness. So I answered their e-mail, and agreed to join their program.

After mailing a bit back and forth for a couple of days I received a list over toys I could choose from. And guess what! Since I'd told them about my latex allergy, the good people on Eden Fantasys had sorted out all the toys I couldn't use! So there were only latex free toys to choose from.

A couple of weeks after I answered that e-mail my first toy arrived in the mail. Want to know what it was? Stay tuned, you will find out tomorrow

Pain

As a slave I get punished from time to time. Sometimes I also get beaten with the belt or whipped just because he can. Don't get me wrong. This is not a bad thing! This is what I want. I love it!

 

When he punishes me I'm grateful for it. Grateful that he disciplines me, that he trains me and teaches me to be a good slave. When I'm done he holds me, comforts me.

I take pride in pushing my pink limits a bit when it comes to punishment. It's supposed to hurt. Both physically and mentally. It's supposed to teach me a lesson. So I hang in there. I cry and I squirm. He trusts me to let him know if it's too much for me. I love that he does that. I love that he doesn't freak out when I cry or scream out in pain. That he lets me have a few seconds to pull myself together if I need it. And then continues. I love it when he does that. It makes me respect him even more than I already do.

It seems like not all Dominants get that. Get that crying and begging is NOT the same as saying the safeword. That makes it harder to receive punishment. When you know that he'll stop if you let him know that it hurts. Hello? It's SUPPOSED to hurt!

So I love it when Master doesn't stop when I cry, cringe, swear or whimper. It says a lot about him as a Man, about his self confidence and sense of integrity. It makes me proud of being able to call myself his slave.

Working out

I'm sitting here in my comfychair, winding down from a wonderful, intense, erotic, sensual, playfilled, painfilled weekend. I have SO much to write about! But what's the first thing that pops into my head? Working out! It's silly I know, but as I sit here and feel all the aches in my body that are NOT from play, I feel that something should be done.

So what kind of training should a good slave do? And why? Well, the answers to that will certainly vary from slave to slave, sub to sub. Once again I'll talk about what goes for me.