Sunday, July 24, 2011

Beautiful glass ...


A few days ago I got a new addition to my collection of sex toys from the wonderful people at Eden Fantasys. I was rather curious about this one, since I didn't choose it myself. Kayla, my contact a Eden Toys recommended it since my last g-spot toy turned out to be a bit too big for me.

The toy I received is the Amethyst glass dildo, and was selected from the vide variety of dildos that Eden Fantasys offer.

This one is, as I mentioned above, made of glass. It's blue and absolutely beautiful. It almost looks like a piece of art, something that you could keep on your shelf for everyone to see. There's no sharp edges, no flaws, no weaknesses in the glass. It's a small piece of perfection.

It's a "double end dildo". So it's possible to use it in several ways. Both ends can be used, giving you the possibilty to receive different sensations from the same toy. Also I think both ends could be used for anal play.
The slender size makes it easy to insert, even if you're a bit tight as I am. The smoothness lessens the need for lubricants for many. If you still prefer to use a lubricant I imagine it will prove very effective.

Since the material is glass you have an excellent opportunity to desinfect it in ways that you cannot use on regular toys without the risk of ruining them. So if you like to share your toys, this is certainly a choice to consider.

Needless to say ... this is a waterproof toy. You can use it both in the shower and the bathtub. Be aware however, that glass gets slippery when wet, so make sure you don't drop it.

It comes in a red velvet bag. Giving it an even more luxurious feel than it already has. The bag isn't thick enough to keep it safe should you happen to drop it however, so you might want to consider something else to store it in.

The other day I was really happy that it was in this bag. When I got it I put it in my bedroom, under my nightstand with my other toys. The next day a friend came to visit, bringing her small dog ...
At one point I realized the dog wasn't in the livingroom. Where was she? Some faint sounds from the bedroom pointed me in the right direction. And there she was, right next to the red velvet bag that she'd dragged out on the floor. "Look what I found" she seemed to say. Wagging her tail and looking happy.
She seemed a bit disappointed when I took it from her and hid it.

Needless to say ... Next week I'm getting a box from my toys.




Sex toys - EdenFantasys adult toys store

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Insomnia



So, it's 06.16 in the morning, and I've been awake since 4. I probably shouldn't be writing anything, and certainly shouldn't be communicating with other people in any way until I've had atleast 2 more hours of sleep. So if this turns out to be a rant, and I seem unfair or unpleasant in any other way ... please bear over with me.

First of all ... and this is most certainly a rant ... I hate my computer! It's painstakingly slow. It takes "lagging" to a new dimension and my version of word keeps asking me to update! I've obviously not installed everything I should have installed ... And I can't find the cd that came with the machine. I guess it should be possible to download something, but I'm just too lazy to do anything but let it annoy me for the moment.
So! Please don't give me lots of well meaning advice. I'm just too lazy right now. When it's annoyed me for long enough I'll call some friend who knows more about this stuff than me and get the help I need ;)

End of rant ...

Next thing I'm thinking about this morning ...
Lately (that means after I stopped playing with M) I've been approached by a surprisingly large amount of guys.

They all want to play.

Great huh? Thing is ... I don't want to play without being in love! But ... that's not a problem! According to them ... we can just play without sex! Just for fun. Flogging, bondage, humiliation, facefucking ... Wait, what? Facefucking is sex! Right? It's not like they're Bill fucking Clinton! Guess what! Fucking me to prove to me that I'm a thing, a sexdoll etc ... That's sex too!

But, they all seem to expect me to jump at the chance. Apparently I'm both lonely and desperate. Just because I answer that particular person and talk with him. Even seem to hit it off with him ... It doesn't mean that he's the only man in the world who finds me interesting. Neither am I so lonely that I can't wait another month, or five ... to see if I find that one particular man who likes me as something more than a plaything, or a fuckfriend, or .. whatever they may think I am.

Ok ... so I feel that lonely and desperate every once in a while ... But it always passes. I try not to let it affect my actions and choices.

It seems like many people who like BDSM only sees it as a game? You play, you enjoy. "That was great! Thanx!" Then you read the paper, or watch tv, laugh and talk or go your separate ways. That's it? No intimacy? Just a good laugh and a thankyou note?
I don't mean to offend anyone. I don't say that this is wrong. I wish I could enjoy BDSM that way myself! And I have. It was great when it felt like the right thing for me. In a few months I may feel like that again. Nothing is written in stone.
It's just that I'm in a place in my life where I'd like to be in a relationship. Maybe even 24/7? I think I'd enjoy that with the right person.
BDSM to me is very sexual, very intimate. I get horny, so I "need" to get laid after or during play. I need after care in the form of intimacy. Going directly from play-mode to platonic friend-mode. It just doesn't work for me nowadays. Again ... I wish it did.

I just want to say one more thing before I go back to bed and try to get some more sleep ...

If you think this is about YOU ... DON'T!

This is about noone in particular.
I'm not attacking or condemning anyone.
It's just random thoughts under the influence of insomnia. Thoughts about what's right for ME. Remember that MY bdsm in no way has to resemble YOUR bdsm. We're all individuals, and one of the wonderful things about this "world" of kinksters and pervs is that there's room for people to be just that ... individuals.

I've been thinking about this on and off for a couple of years now. The odds for me knowing you for that long are extremely low. So it's not about YOU. There's no reason for anyone to feel hurt, or criticized. I promise you, I have noone in mind.

It's about ME

It's now 07.30 in the morning. I went to bed at midnight. It took "forever" to go to sleep. I've been awake since 4.

Think I'll try going back to bed. Luckily I can sleep until 10.

Good night!

Monday, July 4, 2011

What about the blog?



I've decided to keep it. For now atleast. I may change my mind at a later point, but as of now I just don't have the energy to start a new one.

However, there won't be many of those really personal details I've shared with you before. Not when I know there are people who have misused information from this blog. I thought the information was really innocent when I wrote it. I also felt safe in sharing it with you, since this blog was supposed to be anonymous.

As I've told you before ... I've deleted all personal posts. I've kept the ones I feel anyone who knows me can read. This is how the blog will be from now on. No personal juicy details.
I'm working on some short stories though. There will be plenty of juicy stuff there. Even though it will be purely fiction I hope you'll enjoy them.
I'll also share more of my thoughts about BDSM.

The downside of this is that I don't feel comfortable writing about the really personal stuff.
I have to censor everything I write.
I have to analyze every word to see if what I write can be used against me, or anyone I know.

The upside is that I can tell my friends about the blog now.

As for me ... You know me as tepilawen. My real nick is gawi. You can find my profile on FetLife. It's MUCH more developed than my tepilawenprofile. There's even pictures of me.

To my friends ...

I'm sorry I haven't shared this blog with you before. It was just TOO personal. I hope you can forgive me.


Dirty little secrets

This beautiful picture is taken by Edenbeast. I can't find him/her anywhere on the net, but hopefully I'll be allowed to use this photo.



So, I feel dirty. And not in a good way.

I don't know if it's because of all this mess with my blog not being anonomous anymore. Or if it's some other reason for me feeling this way.

Suddenly I feel like everything I've been doing these past 6 months is fundamentally WRONG.
When I read my reports to M I feel like taking a shower.
Thinking about doing any kind of session gives me the shivers.

Again ... not in a good way.

At the same time ... I know how great it felt when I was playing with M. How safe I felt, and how much pleasure he gave me.
I also remember how incredibly boring vanilla sex gets after the first exciting weeks have passed.

I remember feeling like this in the past. But I've always gone back to BDSM. So this time I won't even consider meeting vanilla men.

I guess I just need time ...

I keep telling myself that I won't play with anyone without being in love. And knowing WITHOUT DOUBT, that he feels the same. Whomever HE might be.

I just don't see the point in BDSM without sex. And I've gotten to the point where I don't see the point of having sex without love.

I also keep telling myself that he needs to live close to me. I just don't believe in long distance relationships. They're doomed from the beginning. Unless someone is willing to move. That someone can't be me. I've got kids, they've got their family here. So I can't move.

Meeting someone like that ... is nearly impossible. I live in a small place. Most dominant men are either too old or too young for me. Let's face it, even M was too young for me.

Guess I'll have to accept that I'll probably be both celibate and single for a while ...

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Deleting ..



Someone has found out about my blog. They know who I am. So my blog is not anonomus anymore.

Maybe I'll keep posting my thoughts on BDSM. Maybe I'll start another blog.

I've deleted my personal posts. I'll delete my twitteraccount.

I'm heartbroken. I love my blog!

Edit ... loved ...