Reluctance

As many of my friends, and a few more or less disappointed Dom’s, may have noticed. I’m pretty reluctant to get involved in any kind of playsession. Even if it’s just for a laugh.

I’ve tried explaining it to a few people, some understood and others probably just thought I’m a bit weird. Which is understandable. I AM weird, a fact I’ve never tried to hide.

So … why?

Well, it’s that thing I told you about in my last post called “Control”. When I play, I have little or no control. More often than no it doesn’t  take long before the rest of the world is a blur, before I get orgasms or slip into subspace. I’ve gotten many comments about it these past two years, and to be quite honest with you …
.
It’s really embarrassing!

Also, this makes the thought of playing with or around anyone who’s not aware of it a really scary thing.

Control

I’ve been meaning to write about control for a long time. About my need for it, and my lack thereof. And about the things I long for, but don’t dare try.

If there’s anything in my life I’m least able to maintain, it’s control. In most areas of life that’s not a good thing. I just don’t get around to doing things! Most of the time I have that “I’ll do it right after this” kind of attitude. Which means I’ll probably get stuck on 9gag, msn or Rift until bedtime.

I also don’t get around to eating breakfast. Which means I’ll skip my morningpills. Which are an entire meal in themselves by the way. When you’re bipolar that is most definately not a good thing. Not even if you’re “only” bipolar 2, like me.
Not taking my pills will send me on an emotional rollercoasterride, during which I rarely have any control at all. Fortunately the fact that I’m pretty good at taking my evening pills, a routine I’ve had since I was 3, keeps me from loosing it all together.
What I end up doing is eat chocolate when I’m supposed to eat food. Which again ofcourse has a bad effect on my weight.

Sometimes, when I’ve had a dominant partner, they’ve taken the bother to give me certain ground rules. As long as they’ve checked up on me every now and then, I’ve been really good at doing as I’m supposed to.
It’s a bit silly isn’t it? That I’m a complete mess on my own. But as soon a a man I care about tells me to follow certain rules I’m the most obedient little sub ever?

The X-files. Part 1 ...

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Me ... Now ...

What’s going on with me, my life and my BDSM? Seems like most of my posts lately have been reviews, which I love doing. But things need to get more personal. And more frequent. I’ve really been slacking for a while, leaving my blog more or less dormant.

In a way you might say I’m starting the blog all over again. I’m still me, I’m still a masochistic sub, I’ll still be writing about sex and kink. But I’ll also be sharing more of myself.

So what about me? Now?

Happy Valentines Day!

Only 2 days left to Valentines Day now. It’s not really a big deal here in Norway. In spite of desperate attempts to make it so by all the shops that sells flowers, cards and heart shaped candy.

I can’t really decide if I like the Valentines Day or not … I don’t think I’ve ever gotten any special attention on that day, so I’ve never had the chance to test it out.

Also, it interferes with my birthday! Being born just around both Valentines Day and the Norwegian Mothers Day tends to lessen the value of all three days out a bit. “Happy Birthday” just doesn’t have the same ring to it when an “Oh, just so you know … That includes Mothers Day and Valentines as well.” is included.

But, I guess I’ll just have to learn to live with that. I really don’t think there’s a man alive that will bother to make 3 days in a row seem special in their own way. And they don’t seem to realize that Valentines is supposed to be about THEM aswell ...

But I digress … I was really going to address those of you whoare actually planning to do something special for Valentines.
Do you have something planned? Are you the type who plans things weeks or even months in advance? Do you wing it? Or do you simply panic?

More clamps ... Oh, so lovely!

My little box of sex toys have gotten another new addition from the good people at Eden Fantasys. This is the first toy I'm not a 100% satisfied with. At the same time I think this is the toy that will quickly become my personal favourite.

I immediately chose these nipple clamps from my list of options. There was really no doubt if I wanted them or not. What I chose was a set Y-style clamps with clit clamp.
Now, I've already got my Butterfly Clamps. I suspect those will soon become any sadists favourite, since they really, really hurt!

The Y-style clamps however, will soon become the favourite of any masochist like me. I'm not a painslut, but I do enjoy pain. To a certain level.