Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Me ... Now ...

What’s going on with me, my life and my BDSM? Seems like most of my posts lately have been reviews, which I love doing. But things need to get more personal. And more frequent. I’ve really been slacking for a while, leaving my blog more or less dormant.

In a way you might say I’m starting the blog all over again. I’m still me, I’m still a masochistic sub, I’ll still be writing about sex and kink. But I’ll also be sharing more of myself.

So what about me? Now?

The most obvious thing to those around me is that I’m tired. Not the kind of tired that a good nights sleep will fix, but the kind that seems to be here to stay for a while.

The main reason to all this exhaustion is the fact that my mom has cancer. For some reason I’ve been keeping that a secret for a long time now. At first it was because I simply wasn’t able to talk about it without crying. And when I started I just wasn’t able to stop.
I honestly don’t know why I’ve kept staying quiet about it, but I have recently told some people. So I guess the cat is out of the bag.

Watching a loved one battle with cancer is hard. Helplessly standing by when she’s in so much pain she can’t even walk 3 steps. Watching her struggle with nausea, dehydration and malnourishment.
Never being able to fully relax, because I’m waiting for the phone to ring. And if it isn’t? Why not? Has she fallen? Is she hospitalized again? Is she really ill?

Somehow I’m able to be there for her. I rarely cry, and when I do I pull myself together almost immediately. I never cry in front of her. I cry in the car, in the bathroom, when I take out the trash. But I never, ever cry in front of her …

Cancer … it sucks!

Other than that. Not much. I had a boyfriend for a while, but we recently broke up. Noone did anything wrong and he’s a great guy. But somehow my feelings didn’t make it past that first crush.
Being single again is weird! No textmessages throughout the day, no phonecalls. And pretty soon I guess I’ll really start noticing that no sex part.

And I've gotten a roommate! My friend needed a place to live, and I needed the rent. So now she's renting my old bedroom and I've moved into my old office. Too small for a double bed, but I probably won't need anything like that in a while.
So, there’s lots to talk about. Even though I’m single, celibate and haven’t had a proper playsession in months.

Hopefully that doesn’t make people loose interest in my blog. I hope you’ll atleast give the new version a chance.

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