Sunday, February 26, 2012
The X-files. Part 1 ...
As some of you know, I deleted a lot of posts last year. I always thought I'd make up for it by writing new posts.
However, I don't feel that I have. Those posts were the reason why I started the blog, and all of the sudden I'm ashamed of them? No, not anymore. From now on I'll randomly repost them until I've posted MOST of them. There are a couple that just feels just a bit TOO personal to share now that my blog isn't anonymous anymore.
This was the first post I wrote. About my first real encounter with my Master at the time. I did unfortunately fall in love with him eventually, but after reading this ... It seems like I had a crush on him from day one ;)
Oh the memories ...
To my friends ... The following text has a huge TMI -factor. (Too Much Information ...) So, if you don't want to know the most intimate details about my sexlife ... Then I suggest you skip reading this post ;)
If anyone wants to judge me for posting this. Then don't. Keep it to yourself, because it's MY personal life. Not yours ...
Suddenly a Slavegirl
So, I've been ordered to write this blog. Where to start? Where to end? Writing normally comes easy for me, but this? Writing about something as intimate and personal as this? This is going to be hard, but He ordered me to do this. And I'm kinda all about pleasing Him right now.
They say that all good stories write themselves, hopefully that goes for blogs as well.
Back to my first question. Where to start? Well, what about starting with the beginning? It's surprisingly easy.
It started a couple of weeks ago. I was at a little get-together for kinksters in my area. He came a bit later than me, and I noticed him straightaway. I knew who he was, from his profile on FetLife, and he was too young for me. Or was I too old for him? Typically my luck ... Then he surprised me. He leaned back in his chair, smiled and looked me straight in the eyes.
"So! What's it gonna take to get a date with you?"
My voice got stuck in my throat, and I wish it would have stayed there, because the words that came out of my mouth were:
"I'm sorry, but you're too young for me"
Famous last words right? Wrong. You didn't think the story ended here did you? That would have been a pretty lousy story.
We were both helping out with the local bdsm-group so we bumped in to each other again, then we started chatting on msn. And, then he took me by surprise again ...
"Wanna play after the next get-together?"
I was staring at the screen, dumbfounded. My mind was a blank, what was I going to answer?
The only thing that was going through my mind was
"I'm not this easy, I'm not this easy!"
Turns out I am ... when it comes to Him anyway.
So the day came. I can't believe I even got some sleep the day before! I had preened and pruned, cleaned my house and changed the sheets. Or, I had started changing the sheets. I was done with the pillows when I checked the clock and realized I was late! I quickly changed into the outfit of the evening. Instead of the long skirt and rather modest top I had planned on wearing, I followed my first order from him and put on a short skirt and a top that showed off my cleavage. And since the order contained the words "and none of that pantyhose nonsense", I put on black thigh highs. Panties you ask? Of course not! As a friend of mine, who had played with him earlier, said: "You don't think you'll be allowed to wear panties around him do you?"
I parked my car outside the pub, and in my hurry I almost slipped and fell on the ice. That didn't help my already frayed nerves a bit! Then the door to the pub was stuck. Of course it was ... Finally I got in the door, in one piece. He was facing the door. Relaxed and smiling. I didn't quite know what to say. Had he told the others? Or was our playdate our very own little secret? I said hello to everyone, and made sure I picked a seat where he had a good view to my outfit. I could tell he was pleased and I couldn't hold back a smile.
Later on he texted me. He had warned me about that. That I was to receive an order by text sometime during the evening. I was surprised that it was to send a picture of one of my breasts to his cell. I was certain that he'd want proof that I was pantyless? I had 15 minutes to go on. How was I going to sneak my cell with me to the toilet? Would the others guess what was going on? Would I blush so much that they'd realize something was going on?
So. I went into the smallest toilet ever, took the pic and mailed it. Got back out and sat down. He received the picture and grinned. I tried not to blush, but when he exclaimed
"Hey! Wanna see something cool?"
and showed it to the guy sitting next to him! I blushed and sputtered something about men ... They grinned and laughed, I felt rather small and ... ehm ... turned on.
An hour or so later the order that I first expected came. Only with a small addition. I had to choose between him showing the other guy that picture as well. Or, 50 lashes with the belt. I was feeling a bit cocky and was too much of a coward to choose the first option, so I chose the belt. I was pretty nervous about that as well, but right now it seemed to be the lesser of two evils ...
Now he was on a roll, so the next order was for me to spread my legs so that he'd see my pussy. After texting him that I was to much of a coward to do that, and getting a reply that I wasn't, I spread my legs quickly and then closed them again. He smiled and nodded, satisfied with what he saw.
The evening dragged by. Weren't people ready to go soon? Then finally we could leave. I drove first, he followed me in his car. As I got closer and closer to home I got more and more nervous. How nervous would I be when we got home? It would probably be really awkward for the first hour or so. What had I done? My pussy must be governed by some other part of my brain though, because I felt myself getting wetter and wetter.
We got to my house and I took my time getting out of the car. Trying to calm ones nerves and breathing takes time you know!
He took care of my nervousness straight away. As I got out of the car I felt his hands on me, they were warm and strong. I was turned around, into his arms and his lips. As he kissed me it seems like the part that governs my pussy won the battle in my brain. We may have stood the for 30 seconds or 15 minutes. I really don't know. All I can remember is his lips, his hands, his arms, his body against mine. And the feeling of being safe. Yes, this could be a very good evening.
And now ladies and gentlemen, comes the juicy part. This is where things get a bit blurry for me. Oh don't get me wrong, I do remember details! Do I ever! But what I tell you now probably won't come in the correct order, and I certainly won't be able to tell you about every detail of the next wonderful 24 hours.
His hands all over me, that's the motto of the day. Warm, strong hands who know their way around a woman's body. And kissing! Soft kissing, deep kissing, hot and heated kissing. Just can't get enough of those lips! Hmmm, since I know all too well that He is the first one to read this I blush as I'm writing this. I'm not good at this! At telling a man what I feel about him! Yet, this seems easy to me. Maybe because I know that he'll appreciate what he reads? That he won't snicker and laugh at me? I know he'll be pleased to read this. And as I told you to begin with, I'm all about pleasing Him right now ...
The evening started with kissing, and him exploring my breasts. I have very sensitive breasts, but I'm really not used to them getting this much attention! They tingled and sent waves of pleasure all through my body. I could feel my breath quickening, my heart beating. My nipples were alive with small sparks sending me further and further into bliss. I suppose the words "I'm not this easy" should have been running through my head again, but I was beyond thinking. Instead I got my first orgasm, and my next, and my next. He was surprised about that ... I wasn't.
Then he started teasing me about it. Talking about using it as a party trick. Showing off how easily he can make me come. Maybe I should have gotten mad? I did get a bit embarrassed. But the idea also turned me on. I'm not much of an exhibitionist, but I do enjoy being used by my Dominant partner. Being His plaything, his to use as he pleases. I've been with other Dom's. But they haven't been interested in using me that way. Using me as their sexdoll, yes. And even though that's wonderful I've felt that somethings been missing. I didn't feel used enough ... if you know what I mean? So, yeah. The idea of him using me, humiliating me, in this manner turned me on.
But, I digress. Now where was I? Oh yeah ...
Not before long both my top and my bra was lying in a heap. He then pulled me over his lap, with my bum in the air. I was surprised. I knew I was getting 50 strikes with the hand, and I’ve been spanked numerous times. But not like this. Not lying over His lap like this. If you haven't tried it you should. This way is so much better! I know it was supposed to be punishment, and I'm pretty sure it hurt. I even think I cried out a couple of times. But it felt so good! I was supposed to count down from 50, but I had to start over and over and over again. My brain was all mush, my vision was blurry and I think maybe I moaned when He spanked me? I do know I got several orgasms during that spanking. Somehow I was able to finish counting, by then it was really starting to be painful. But even though it hurt ... I've spent some time trying to figure out how to get another punishment like that.
I spent some more time lying over his knees. Totally exposed, with my skirt around my waist, my bum in the air and my feet spread wide. And his fingers deep inside me, fucking me with his hand. I think that was when I stopped trying to count my orgasms ...
Then we kissed, he gave my breasts even more attention, we kissed some more, talked, cuddled.
Then came the moment I had dreaded. The belt ... Again, my position surprised me. First he put cuffs on me. No surprise there. Then he tied my feet and I started wondering about what he was planning. I had to get up on all 4, then he tied my hands and feet together. So I wasn't going anywhere. I love bondage! So once again my position was enough to get my juices going, to make me forget all about how to count backwards. So, I started counting, got it wrong, started counting again ... When I finally got the hang of it he apparently decided I was doing too well. Suddenly I felt his fingers in me, fingering me in between strokes. Even his tongue for one wonderful moment. Somehow I finally made it to 50. And by then I had definitely decided that I don't like that belt. It's not in any way a "good hurt".
Oh, I forgot to tell you about sucking his cock! I told him before we met that I needed to practice deep throating and facefucking. And he kept his word when he said that I'd get plenty of practice. I love sucking cock, so I really didn't mind. The first time there was some teeth. I didn't get punished for it, and I made sure that didn't happen again. After a while I was able to take him all the way in without gagging. Even without him having to force my head further in.
And facefucking? How do you practice that? Well, you try to relax your throat, hope not to gag and watch your teeth. The same as deepthroating really. Only more brutal and intense. It's anything but pleasant for the one being fucked, but I love it. I love that feeling of being used, being just a thing made for His pleasure. Love the gagging, the gasping for air, the drooling and the tears. The best is to be backbound, kneeling and held firmly by the hair whilst being roughly facefucked. Throw in a couple of faceslaps and you'll soon have a very horny and wet little slavegirl.
He was gentle with me though. Some facefucking and some breath control with his cock blocking my airways. I suspect he won't be as gentle after reading this ...
Then we had sex. Right there on the floor. And as everything else, it was great. Not the rough, quick sex I was expecting. But slow, wonderful sex. That man is just full of surprises. Seems that I should just throw away everything I think I know about Dominant men ...
As we were lying there, and I was far gone into orgasmworld he shared his fantasies with me. Exciting, thrilling and a bit scary fantasies. They registered, but I wasn't really able to come up with any coherent responses. The occasional face slap soon fixed that though. I wasn't able to contribute much, but I don't think that was the point either? There were a few times where I desperately tried to focus on his face, trying to remember what the question was. Seeing his smiling face, he seemed slightly amused, come into focus as I struggled to concentrate was a good motivational factor. It was also distracting, because then the first thing that popped into my head was "Oh hey! *blissful grin*" Didn't say that though. Don't really know what I said, but it was good enough not to earn me any more face slaps. Darn! Don't really think those face slaps was the best motivator. Since I tend to enjoy them. In that weird masochistic way ... So I was lying there thinking, should I answer? Or should I try to provoke some more slaps? The angel on my shoulder won though. Or was it just that wish to please and obey him that started to take over completely?
Sometime during the evening, I think it was before my punishment with the belt? Ok, don't complain! I told you I'd get everything in the wrong order
Well, so before the belt. I had to do something that was a bit hard for me. I have this tendency to talk before I think. When you do that whilst talking to a Dominant it can cause consequences ... So what did I blurt out without thinking? I said that playing with myself whilst someone is watching is really, really hard for me ...
So there I was, naked except from my thigh highs. He was still fully dressed. He told me to lie down on the floor. So I did, a bit reluctantly. Suddenly I felt very vulnerable. I was told to spread my legs, have one arm down my side and use the other to play with myself. He stood by my feet. Watching me. Suddenly I felt so small! It was embarrassing, and I just wanted to hide. But he had that half-smile of his, and he told me what to do. Ordered me not to stop. So I didn't. I fought the bad feelings, even though the tears were pressing on. He told me I'd done well, and it felt good. Somehow it wasn't so scary anymore.
We cuddled, kissed, talked. Then moved into the bed. But first I had to finish changing the sheets. I've never fumbled so much with that in my life! He layid down on his side of the bed, one arm under his head, the other hand stroking his cock while watching me. How was I supposed to concentrate when he was laying there like that?
Well, somehow I was able to finish making the bed and we both crawled under the covers. It was warmer there. And in some ways more intimate. We'd both been naked for a while. Vi cuddled, made out, talked. I was allowed to have even more orgasms! Lucky me! I was amazed that a slut like me would be worthy of that much sexual pleasure! He enjoys watching me come though. So it was for his pleasure as well.
The he asked me, and I couldn't believe it. Did I want to make this a permanent thing? Me being his sub, and he being my Dom? I didn't have to think about what to answer this time. No need to consult my friend. I answered yes without thinking.
Sometime during the night we went to sleep. Well, actually it was more morning than night. I was allowed to sleep with my hands and feet tied. Not too tight, since I'd be tied up for a while. I loved it! I've always dreamt of it, but have only been allowed to do it once before, and then only on my hands. It was uncomfortable at times, but then again that's part of the deal isn't it?
Next time he's promised that I'll be allowed to sleep with my hands tied behind my back. If it starts hurting I can wake him up and he'll tie my hands in the front instead. I'm so looking forward to that!
We really slept in the next morning. I was awake before him, but didn't want to wake him. So I just laid there for a while, processing the past 12 hours in my mind. Watching him. Dreaming of what was to come. I must have dozed off. Because he woke me up. Kissed me, and told me to give him a blow-job. I was only happy to oblige. Isn't it great girls, to feel him grow in your mouth? Knowing that his cock is growing because he wants you? It was awkward though, with my hands and feet still being tied up ... I managed to wriggle under the covers and find a somewhat comfortable position though. And it felt satisfying, that I was able to please him even though it was a bit awkward and hard. It was hot under there too. So hot in fact that I had trouble breathing sometimes.
But I didn't want to disappoint him, so I got through it. And, after a while I got so turned on by sucking his cock that I forgot all about the heat and the ropes around my wrists.
I got my reward for that. He fingered me and played with my clit. Gave me some powerful orgasms. One was so strong that I tore my hands straight out from the rope! I was so distraught over that! He had been so kind as to tie me, and I slipped out of the ropes! He didn't stop massaging my clit though, so I wasn't able to think about it much. Later I apologized. He wasn't mad or disappointed with me. Said that it only proved that he hadn't bound me too tight. Then he tied my wrists up again. Tighter this time.
I crawled up next to him and we cuddled for a while. Then an alarm on his cell went off.
"By the way. You've earned 90 lashes with the belt now"
What? What had I done wrong? He wouldn't tell me. Said I had to guess, but that he'd tell me if I hadn't guessed it by the time I had earned 100 lashes. My mind was a blank. What had I done wrong? I went through the past 12 hours in my mind, but couldn't come up with anything. 10 minutes later he told me. I had gotten one lash with the belt for every minute that the coffee wasn't ready. Frak! He told me about that the night before! That he wanted the coffee ready at a certain time. I wanted to jump out of bed straightaway, but he wanted to cuddle. Promised me that I wouldn't get anymore lashes. So I crawled into his arms again.
A bit later I made coffee. With my hands and feet still tied together. It must have been quite amusing, watching me hop around in the kitchen.
We weren't quite ready to get out of bed though. We snuggled, talked, kissed. I spent some more time under the sheets. Giving him BJ's and getting turned on by it every time. Then we fell asleep. That coffee was pretty strong by the time we got up! I was still only wearing my thigh highs but was allowed to dress for breakfast.
I made baguettes and we talked while we ate. He claimed the coffee was good, even though it must have been really strong.
When he was done eating he looked at me intensely. Then he came towards me. I figured something was going on, but was uncertain as to what? The he gave me a mischievous grin and jumped at me, pushing me down at the couch. The last half of my baguette remained uneaten on my plate, but I really didn't care. We were making out and snuggling for a while. And oh yeah, that "hands all over my body"-thing that I told you about. Oh, the luxury!
He had brought "The Secretary" so decided we'd watch it. First it was the matter of my punishment though. He felt that 100 lashes at a time was too much for me, since I'm so bad at counting. So I got to choose if I wanted 40 or 60 before the film, and then the rest after. I chickened out and chose 40 strokes.
This time there was no bondage or lying over the lap. He pulled down my sweatpants and I had to stand still while he used the belt on me. So, the rules of the game are:
Number 1: Count the strokes downward to zero. If I miss I have to start all over again.
Number 2: Stand still! If I move I have to start all over again.
You already know that I suck at counting backwards. I did even worse this time. When I finally did manage to count down properly, I moved when I got to 1! I couldn't believe it! He held me and I cried. I got a moments respite before we tried again.
This time I got to hold his hand. And I held on as if my life depended on it. Focusing on his hand, his arm. Feeling the strength in it. Feeling how warm it was, and the sensation of the hair on his arm on the side of my hand. It helped.
So I somehow managed to get it right. With a few mishaps of course. When I was done he pulled up my pants and told me I'd done well. Then he held me while I cried for a bit. It was good standing there, feeling his warm body against mine. So I managed to pull myself together quicker than I thought I would.
We tried playing "The Secretary" in the dvd-player in my living room. But, of course that old piece of crap had decided to die on me ... I almost wish I could tell you that I'm sneaky enough to have sabotaged the thing, but I'm not. So we ended up watching it in bed, naked under the covers. Oh, what a shame!
If you haven't seen that movie yet you really should! It's funny, sweet and arousing. If you're into BDSM anyways ...
And, if you have a good looking Sir who kisses you, plays with your nipples or fingers you every once in a while, just long enough to make you forget the movie is on. And then stop ... making your body tingle with anticipation. Well, that will really enhance the whole movie experience!
And what do you do after watching that movie? You have sex. Of course you do. So we did. And I spent some more time underneath those covers. When we got warm I got to stroke and have my hands all over HIS body. And I loved it!
Fortunately that led to even more sex. If not I think I'd have been incredibly frustrated! After we were done I got to lick him clean of my juices. And he decided that would be one of our first rules. That I'm always to lick his cock clean after sex. Again. Lucky me! Especially since I get to decide when it's clean ...
Now it was time for dinner. Fortunately I had realized that I might be rather preoccupied, so I had prepared marinated chicken with vegetables and rice. Quick and easy. He asked me to put on some clothes he'd seen in my profile. So I did.
I already had my thight highs on, gotta buy more of that brand. They don't slip and I hardly noticed they were on. Then I got out my black leatherette "skirt". Yes, I hyphenate. Because calling that a skirt is a joke! It's more like a broad belt? I put it on and then put on one of my black corset tops. I was a bit embarrassed when I went out in the living room. My bum was sticking out of the skirt no matter how hard I pulled on it. He looked at me with an approving grin.
I felt a bit awkward preparing dinner in that outfit. At the same time it was a bit exciting preparing dinner for my Sir in sexy fetish wear. I could feel myself getting wetter as I cut the vegetables. Wetter? I didn't think that was possible.
Fortunately I've prepared this type of meal umpteen times. It's quick, but you have to remember to put everything on in time, keep track of 4 cooking plates and make sure you don't burn the sauce. Frying the chicken in oil felt kinda risky with so much unprotected skin. I just barely dodged a few drops of hot oil that sizzled their way out of the pan.
He was relaxing with the laptop as I was running back and forth, groping my bum when I passed him.
I was a bit nervous when we started eating. Was the chicken dry? Or too spicy? Were the vegetables overcooked? Fortunately it seemed like I'd been lucky with everything and we enjoyed our meal together. Talking as we ate.
After our meal we kept on talking for a while. I was told to keep my legs spread so that he had a full view of my pussy at all times. I had to giggle when I remembered talking to a Dom who explained to me how important it was that his sub was proper and a picture of perfection at all times. Nothing wrong with that, but the contrasts were so extreme that I had to laugh. Here I was, in the skimpiest of clothes. My make-up just a faded memory, my hair all messed up. Both the direct result of lots and lots of sex and play. To complete the image my thigh highs had gotten holes in them, and my legs were spread wide apart to show off my wet pussy. I told him, and we both had a good laugh.
Then it was time for the final part of my punishment. I got to choose between counting down the 60 remaining lashes myself. Or getting 100 that he'd count down for me. I chose the 100, figuring that if I did the counting myself I'd probably end up with 150 before I got the counting right. He asked me if I wanted to receive the lashes standing, or on all four. Remembering how I lost my footing earlier in the day I chose the latter. It's easier to remain still when you're ehm ... closer to the floor.
It's about time I tell you about that belt. Most belts are just a broad leather strap with a buckle at one end and holes in the other. This belt has both those things, but instead of the simple leather strap, this belt has an extra strap sewn on top of it and something put in between those two again to make the upper strap have a "top". The result? A rather heavy belt with no soft edges whatsoever. So it hurts more than most belts, with a sharp stinging pain.
Since I didn't have to count I could just focus on the pain. And I'm glad I did. By the time he started counting down the last 5 lashes I was shaking. When he was done I just rolled into a ball. Crying hard. He laid down beside me and held me as I cried. When you lie close to your Sir like that after heavy play or punishment. When you're maybe the most vulnerable you'll ever be. And he holds you, comforts you and lets you calm down at your own pace. That may just be when you feel the closest to him, the most intimate. When I lay there I felt so much gratitude! He had taken the effort to punish me, to correct me for my errors. And as he did so he made me feel safe and comfortable. Gave me the strength to endure the pain without using my codeword. Now he was comforting me. Lying on the hard floor with me. Yes, I was crying. But they were tears of cleansing. Not of sadness or despair. I wanted to tell him "Thank you Sir", but I don't think I did. If I did he probably wouldn't have understood it through all the sobbing.
After that we watched a video lying on the couch. A really sweet episode of some reality show from Playboy channel. It ended all too soon.
It was time for him to leave. But first he asked me if there was anything I wanted to do before he left. The only thing that came to mind was to cuddle some more. So I sat on his lap for a while. We kissed and talked. Somehow we started talking about being a sub vs being a slave. About how I don't complain about it being so hot under the covers when I give him a blow-job in bed that I can hardly breathe. About how it doesn't occur to me to refuse or discuss when I get an order. To me an order given by my Sir is supposed to be obeyed. And asking him to take down the covers so it won't be so hot for me? Unthinkable! He'd get cold! We also talked about the fact that it's OK for me if he wants to share me with his friends. How it's ok with me if he wants to play with or even have sex with someone else. Even if it's in front of me while I'm tied up and helplessly watching.
To me it just seems natural that I'm his property. His to use as he wishes, for his pleasure. My pleasure is a gift that is given me by him. It's nothing I should take for granted.
So we decided that I'm his slave. Not his sub.
It feels more right. To be a slave
Now, this may not fit your idea of what a slave is. What defines a slave? As far as I know there's no official rulebook when it comes to these things. But that's what I am. His obedient little slave girl. By our perception of the concept.
Then he told me to kneel by his feet. He put a blanket around me so I wouldn't be cold. Then he just watched me. His dog came over and lay down beside us. He looked at the dog, then he looked at me.
"There you are. My obedient little slave and my obedient dog. Sitting next to each other on the floor. How does that make you feel?"
Somehow I didn't feel degraded by that. It's OK. I'm his slave, so I belong on the floor by his feet. So I just sat there. Content, and suddenly a bit shy, by his feet.
They say that endings are the hardest to write. Who's saying that? Probably those people who think the beginning is the easy part. So how does this end? It doesn't. It's an ongoing story as my Sir and I take this wonderful journey together. Want to join us? Subscribe to my blog and I'll keep you updated.
Now that I've reread thish I'm blushing profusely. Think I'd better hit the "Publish"-button before I change my mind ;)
Hope you enjoyed it, more x-files will pop up every now and then ...